Older Adoptive Parents

Ever since my Uncle's funeral, I've been keeping this deep in the back of my mind. My parents were both 38 when I came home, not a big deal right? Women have children at that age and sometimes older... But do they ever think how their children will feel when they hit their 20s?

Here's my logic, may not make sense because I'm trying not to get emotional about it.

My best friend is 28, her mother is 50
My husband is 25 is parents are 50-51... his grandparents are 65-69
My cousin Marcus 32, My Uncle Al was in his early to mid 50s
I'm 24 and my parents are 62..

My parents are the same age as my husbands grandparents... and yes his Granny had his dad when she was 15 but do you see the gap that concerns me?

Chris's GiGi, Paw Paw and Granny are in their 60s with great grand children, they get to enjoy them for maybe another 20 years! And possibly even live to see Great-Great grands....

Will my parents be around in another 20 years? They both HATE doctors, so I'm always worried, will I have to bury my parents in my 40s? Will i have to bury them SOONER?

My dad's father... my grandfather developed dementia in his early to mid 70s... his about 84 now about 2 years ago he had no clue who I was... will my dad have the same fate?
His step mother passed away in her 50s from breast cancer...
My dad's bio Mom, passed in her 50s to 60s from breast cancer and her husband 2 years later from a brain aneurysm

My maternal grandmother was 79... how much longer do I have with my parents?

I shouldn't have to worry about this at 24!!!

Le Chateau des Fleurs

Ok this is definatly a shout out post! I have a new follower who I admire greatly! Frenchy from Le Chateau des Fleurs! Never in a million year did I think I would have a follower that has over 2,000 people read her blog on a daily basis! The way she has parties with her children remind me of when I was little and my mom and I would get out my tiny china set and have tea and pastries just because we could!

Frenchy reminds me why I miss being a stay at home mom!

Here are a couple of my favorite posts/parties!

Are you as obsessed with Pirates as I am? Then you'll love Frenchy's pirate parties!



Le Chateau des Fleurs

Doesn't that cake not only look yummy, but totally awesome!?

What about her son's 7th birthday cake....

And with Valentine's Day coming up, why not look at her 14 Days Of Valentines



I love you, in French



Simple and Sweet



I hope you enjoyed her blog as much as I do! I could go on for days about her, but then I think my few readers may run away! lol

Drama-Rama

So, I'm planning on having to hear about people bitching about this post but you know what I'm done! I don't care it's my blog, if you don't want to read it there's a little red "X" in the top right corner... Sorry but I'm pissed!

There is one place I go for support, and to support others in the adoption triad... but lately it's just turned into a bitch feast!  Remember the scene in Mean Girls in the cafeteria? Where everyone is fighting like animals? Now think of that but with people of the triad! (some)Aparents seem to love to attack Bparents AND adoptees because we have a different opinion always putting words into our mouths "Because you feel this way you are saying we're less than parents" ugh! No! No one AT ALL is saying you're a terrible parent.. and if someone were to do so we'd probably all jump down their throats! It's getting to the point where I don't want to comment on a topic that I'd like to weigh in on out of fear of being slammed for my opinion... Thanks for making me feel like a terrible person for not agreeing with you and wanting to make someone feel like they aren't alone...

 There are a select few Aparents that I get along with... they seem to be the "sane" ones... not the over zealous crazy ones...They respect the opinion of us adoptees, even if they disagree... these are the parents of children I see always knowing, accepting, and loving their "adoptee status"

Blah I don't know how to feel right now!

biracial hair ...by Zora Howard

I have bi-racial hair
Pantene Pro-V waves on the top
Easy to style, comb, rock-
Until-I encounter my naps,
I’m not talking about those-cute detangle with the spray naps.
I’m talking about those, slave naps, like,
No comb, brush, or man can handle the kind of naps I got- like,
No way you are touching my hair-naps like
Back 10 feet up, or we can dance naps
Those naps like-
DAMN!
I have bi-racial hair,
Those smooth and silk rafts hanging all through my mane,
Until you get to the back, and encounter the jungle, in which you can find Tarzan and Jane.
In the front you forget and relax in the pleasure,
Until you get to the back and remember pain
Baby hair slicked back with that good 4 dollar pomade,
That goes with roots and tangles,
Soaked with that same olive oil; mixed with that spaghetti sauce momade.
I have bi-racial hair,
Combs run freely through my fine breezy, just to the part, the most you can make,
Until it gets to the back and
Breaks.
I have bi-racial hair
Like-
The only thing my mother could put it in was 2 big braids,
And sometimes that was to much,
So she left half undone.
I was in the mirror, I was in the mirror,
Convincing my self I looked just like a dark-skinned Alicia Keys
I have bi-racial hair,
because I have bi-racial blood.
I’m not talking about that-cute they met then fell in love, blood
I’m talking about that- slaved raped six times by the master,
Birthing 6 mixed babies, later hung blood
I’m talking about that cross burning in the mud, blood
And you call me a mud blood,
Slit my rist,
my blood does not excrete in black and white.
I drean in verse and in red
Like what drained from Emmit Tills’ lips when he was killed for breaking down color lines
Bi-racial who surcomes to the abuse from her peers in her middle school,
Those whose who constantly called me an Oreo
Well she’s not white, its more like Reese’s cookie, mixed breed or a mullato
That’s what it is a reverse mulatto
I AM NOT A FUCKING COOKIE OR A BITCH!
My roots are deep too
my bi-racial roots are not blind
or more than cotton soft
cause my blood were in the sun, picking cotton too
a thousand times discrated for my race
a thousand time discrated from my history y'all never get
let textbooks be your truth
and sprinkle the ashes of your history into streams
i dream for a time and place where
maybe y'all all accept me
maybe we need to wake up again and remember a morning of you
like something new
baby I'll be green cause my people drove there
you people drove me there
with my tender heart
tender head
and my bi-racial hair

Always RIGHT THERE!

So, when I thought I could have a nice "adoption free" week, Oprah reveals that she has an adopted half sister! Wow, and here I thought I could take a "time out".

I wanted to leave adoption out of my life for this week because I have a lot of thinking to do within the next couple of weeks and a lot of research about Catholic Charities.

I haven't really reflected on why I want to find my 1st family, only because to me that's a loaded question. It's hard to explain "why". If I break it down to my best off the cuff response to that it would be, why not?

After all the person I'm looking for did carry me for 9 months and as a mother myself, I coulodn't imagine not being with my children. It's almost like adoptive parents, they get the referral call, and approved and even before that child is home, and even before they see the picture, they're in love.

Also, when it really comes down to it I guess I have a selfish reason too. I want to know if I look anything like anyone. My children are my only blood relatives that I know and they look nothing like me. A lot of people think they look like me until they see their dads and then they realize, wait no they don't. Damien is a mini more olive version of his dad, and Natalie favors her father and his mother.

When I see families in the store, or at a park and there is a crystal clear visual resemblence, I secertly long for that. My best friend's family is one of those families that I'm jealous of, She looks just like her mother, there is no doubt when you see them standing together, and her son, well he's like her little clone in boy form.

I also want to finally put my questions to rest,

• Does she think of me on important days during the year?(ex. Mother's Day, My birthday.) Because I think of her and hope that those days aren't difficult for her.
• Does she wonder if she has grand children?
• Do I have siblings?( I grew up an only child)
• If so, do they know about me?
• Also, do I have nieces or nephews of my very own?
• Did she ever look for me?

Selfish questions in my mind and maybe they aren't

Next phase, preparing myself for the worst

What if she has a new life and a new family that don't know I exsist?

Can I handle rejection from the one person I long to know?

Adoption Free Weekend! Or so I thought....

So Saturday was wonderful! Damien's birthday was perfect lots of friends, lots of family, lots of love! I wish I would have gotten a picture of him when he's biggest birthday surprise walked thru the door. His Uncle Moose! I had to get his attention and say "Damien, look who's here!" I peeked his head around the corner "MOOSE!!!" Ran and jumped into his arms! He loves his God Father so much! His girl friend Patricia was there too, She signed the card Uncle and Auntie Moose, OMG I died when I read that! How sweet! She became a part of our family quick! We love her so much and I can't wait until they finally set the wedding date! Although I'm not sure how Damien will feel about his girl friend marrying someone else >.<

Then we attened Damien's cousin's party. We'll call her Cat. Cat turned 9, I can't believe how big she has gotten! She's making so many strides with her austim. As I'm sitting and hanging out with Damien's dad and step mom someone mentions that Damien's grandmother is NOT the bio child of the Great Grandmother, she was adopted by her step mother! Now, being that Damien's father and I were together for 7 years and I still keep in touch with his mother it was a major shock! I guess step parent adoption isn't seen like a closed adoption, even though she doesn't know who her mother is...

It's funny to think that adoption is a major factor in my life. I try to not deal with adoption talk and there is was in mid convo! lol!

A Change of Heart?

Being on the adoption forums has taught me more then I could have ever imagined about reunion.

And over the years I have searched for my 1st mother with a burning passion and desire to know my natural mother. Last night hit me hard, but not in the sense that you would think. Just stay with me it will all make sense in just a minute.

Last night, Chris and I were watching one of our favorite shows, The Ghost Whisperer, and it was the episode where a 17 year old boy finds out that he was adopted and tragically dies while arguing with his adoptive mother about finding his birth mother. In the middle of the show Chris looks at me and says "I'm giving you the money to find your birth mother."

Now the old me would have jumped up and down or maybe just cried tears of joy, but the more educated me, well, she sat there and stared at her husband, and thought of more practical things to do with $500. My poor husband, Chris just looked at me "Aren't you happy? You have to find her, you've always wanted to find her."

It was so hard to explain to him that I've learned that reunion isn't as simple as finding each other, it's about building a lasting relationship, it's about ups and downs, and emotional draining if things don't go well in Reunion Land.

I've stopped letting my search dictate how my emotions are for the day. I've stopped letting it consume me. I'm a wife and a mother of 2 kids under 6, I don't have time to dwell on the "what ifs" anymore. I also have to think about whether right now is a good time to possible interrupt my children's lives and my husbands, and my parents lives because it's not just about me if a reunion happens. Am I ready to rock the boat?

In the back of my mind I also know that I am the Queen of Avoidance. I am afraid of change and I allow myself to get comfortable. I really need to reflect on this one. It's so funny to think had someone told me when I was 18 that they would give me the money to find her I would have jumped without hesitation, and here I am at 24, being cautious.

I may call the agency today and have them pull my file for me, I do not want to spend $500 for the request to search and permission to search paperwork if she's made sure I can't find her. I know she last updated her file 19 years ago. Maybe they'll just tell me if her full name and birthdate are in the file. With knowing that information, I'll know what direction I have options for. But this is going to need a lot of thought and a lot of prayer. Wish me luck.