Sunday, March 13, 2011

Adoption Free Weekend!

Woot Woot! I managed to have an adoption free weekend...

Went to work at my moms shop on Saturday and let me tell you prom season is in full force. My arms were begging for rest by 5:00! Went to a birthday celebration, Miss Natalie decided that she was allergic to something she ate and broke out into hives!!

Today was amazing. Lately Damien's Aunt and I have decided that just because his father and I are no longer together doesn't mean that we aren't still family.. and Damien's dad although financially hasn't stepped up yet, he has been there for him more.

So Sundays are "Daddy Days" We all get together and just hang let the kids play and Damien spend time with that side of his family.
So we went to see Rango! Sweet movie, and although its rated PG, I think they reached the max amounts for "damns and hells" that PG can allow...just warning to all those parents who haven't taken their kids yet... screen it 1st and see if you're comfortable with that amount of swearing... Now that my babies are all washed up and about to hit the sack, I'm going to work on some stuff for work...

BTW... I have a special project that I've been working on... It may or may not happen... but if it does... you'll find out...

Thursday, March 10, 2011


(x-posted from the forums)

i've read articles, I've watched shows about how powerful ones thoughts can be.

and before sending off my paperwork, I was going through the "what if" stage

the past couple of weeks i've been filled with anxiety
then to stress
and today its been a mix of everything
I will suddenly get this overwhelming sense of calm and peace, because other then checking up with the agency and keeping on top of them, there isn't much I can do.

And then the moment I think about that... I realize that this is one situation that I can not control... and i panic. But its that quiet lump in your throat, shifty eyes paranoid keep to yourself panic.

I feel like I'm in a dream, it starts off seemingly normal but then being chased by something you can't see or hear, all you know is that you need to keep going. Because if you don't, something may happen.... the unknown will happen..

... my sleep aids haven't been working, my mood stabilzers, not working and thats mostly my fault because I've been so scatter brained that i forget to take them..
I'm letting this wait destroy me and i've had enough of it.
I just want to get on with my life!
Do i regret sending off my paperwork? Yes and No
No, because I feel like its mine and my childrens right to know where we came from and yes because I feel like I'm letting it control my life...

thanks for dealing with my vent...

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Bad Blogger! Bad bad blogger!

So, with my lack of blogging you probably assumed that I had given up... no I'm still here! I've been pretty absent on my forums too... ugh... I've been a teeny bit stressed out.

What have I been up to? THIS why? beause its mindless... and knowing that Catholic Charities got my paperwork to search for my 1st mother is making me CRAZY!

I sent all my paperwork thru fed ex... so I could obsessivly check the tracking... so that I could make sure it was received.

I sent it on Valentine's Day.... and well, that was almost a month ago... it was received on the 17th... and I haven't received any word since. I have that feeling of empending doom, that my 1st mother may call me out of the blue one day, or that they found her and she's not interested... or maybe she's writing me a letter and just cant seem to get the words right. I'm not sure but I do know I'm cracking under pressure. So I'm back. And I'm sorry if I start venting, but I need to get all of this out, because its affecting my life, I'm unfocused snippy and a bit explosive... I need to seek counsil.