So, when I thought I could have a nice "adoption free" week, Oprah reveals that she has an adopted half sister! Wow, and here I thought I could take a "time out".
I wanted to leave adoption out of my life for this week because I have a lot of thinking to do within the next couple of weeks and a lot of research about Catholic Charities.
I haven't really reflected on why I want to find my 1st family, only because to me that's a loaded question. It's hard to explain "why". If I break it down to my best off the cuff response to that it would be, why not?
After all the person I'm looking for did carry me for 9 months and as a mother myself, I coulodn't imagine not being with my children. It's almost like adoptive parents, they get the referral call, and approved and even before that child is home, and even before they see the picture, they're in love.
Also, when it really comes down to it I guess I have a selfish reason too. I want to know if I look anything like anyone. My children are my only blood relatives that I know and they look nothing like me. A lot of people think they look like me until they see their dads and then they realize, wait no they don't. Damien is a mini more olive version of his dad, and Natalie favors her father and his mother.
When I see families in the store, or at a park and there is a crystal clear visual resemblence, I secertly long for that. My best friend's family is one of those families that I'm jealous of, She looks just like her mother, there is no doubt when you see them standing together, and her son, well he's like her little clone in boy form.
I also want to finally put my questions to rest,
- Does she think of me on important days during the year?(ex. Mother's Day, My birthday.) Because I think of her and hope that those days aren't difficult for her.
- Does she wonder if she has grand children?
- Do I have siblings?( I grew up an only child)
- If so, do they know about me?
- Also, do I have nieces or nephews of my very own?
- Did she ever look for me?
Selfish questions in my mind and maybe they aren't
Next phase, preparing myself for the worst
What if she has a new life and a new family that don't know I exsist?
Can I handle rejection from the one person I long to know?