Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Friday, May 27, 2011

Under Rug Swept.

Every person has that issue that turns into the lump under the rug. They don't talk about it in front of others, almost like a family secret, or the family drunk, they think he should quit drinking but they won't dare talk about the situation outside of family.

Funny enough, my family doesn't have those issues, only because my mom and I talk about EVERYTHING! I'll talk to anyone about anything. Personal things stay personal with close friends and family but I talk a lot and have learned to apply a mouth filter during certain moments. I'm telling you my mouth has a mind of its own!

But my DH's family on the other hand... WOW!!! Do these people suppress a lot! Affairs, brothers stealing each others wives, alcoholism, racists, you name it, I think it's in the family. And I think each person in that family is suffering, because they don't talk about it. It's all under rug swept. Yes you can heal yourself through prayer, but having been to therapy, I know there's nothing more cleansing, then talking about it. Letting it go. Processing your feelings out loud, to someone who is not there to judge but to listen.

My DH seems to get annoyed sometimes when I'm just talking things out to him. And I think its just because nothing was ever resolved with anything. If his mother was upset, she'd get in the car and drive around being pissed off at everything and everyone. She would later come home and write an angry note and stick it on the fridge. Later, everything would be fine. But nothing was resolved.

Could you imagine holding all of that resentment in?! I would explode!

But that long story is just to give you insight into what I'm dealing with right now, this week, this family.

My DH has the alcoholic Great Uncle, who lives about a half mile from us. Said Uncle always takes a family member with him on vacation every year to Myrtle Beach. This year was DH and my turn. So we planned to go on June 3. I put in vacation time at work and let DH handle the rest. So Uncle, we'll call him Harold*, keeps calling me over the weekend and I was too busy to return his calls. I call him Monday apologizing for not getting around to calling him sooner, but working 6 days a week, having a sick child, and participating in the Walk for Autism took up my weekend. He then begins to curse me out. I take it with a grain of salt since I know he's been drinking since 7 am.

Jump to Tuesday, he calls me while I am on my way to work and asks me to call him when I go to lunch. 11 am rolls around and he has called me 5 times in 3 minutes. I go to lunch, and cal him after I've finished up my lunch and he starts asking personal questions about my and DH intimate life, which then takes a nose dive into him propositioning me, and when I respond NO he asks if money will change my mind.

Uncle Harold* once again, lives only a half mile from my house, my DH is in Indiana, and I'm freaking out, because Uncle Harold has once again started blowing up my phone. He has called me 3 times since  7 am. Telling me he's sorry, wanting to talk about me cancelling the vacation, he knows I'm pissed, blah blah blah!!

All the while, the rest of the family were mad for less then a day, and then responded with "Well, at least it will be something to laugh about in the future!"  Um, no!! Not funny! I want to move, any of you readers live in an area with great schools and the cost of living isn't too high?! No state is out of the question at this point....

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Judgment day......

I hate being judged by people on such an unhealthy level that I won't even sing in front of my husband. I mean, I'll sing in the car, but that's me goofing off and NEVER hitting the proper notes and as for my pitch well, the neighborhood animals don't seem to like it much.

Now I will not say that I can't sing, because I know that I can, and that I'm good, but I will not sing in fear of someone judging me. I get embarrassed by positive feedback and I burst in to tears don't take negative critics well.

But what do you do, when someone tells a family member personal information about you, that causes a backlash with your in-laws. Lets use sexual preference or religion as examples because those seem to be the major things that most people in the world judge.

For example, someone who is gay may be open to their closest friends and maybe a few family members, but what if they have parents who are not fond a gays, they most likely wouldn't be open correct? So then would it be someone Else's right to tell their family "oh well so and so is gay"? no, that is their personal business to discuss.

and lets talk about religion, I'll talk personally about my experiences with this. I identify as Agnostic, only because I have had many moments in my life where I have questioned my faith. So I believe there could be a higher power, I do not feel that I have the right to give it a name, but I can also identify with different aspects of different religions. This by NO MEANS, means that I worship the devil.  But when you live in the bible belt, some people just assume you do if you don't out right answer yes i'm a christian. So, my in-laws life to whisper and it makes me crazy! I love them, but my relationship with God is my business. My children pray before dinner, and they say their prayers before bed, but I still have questions about my own faith that only I can work through.

so why do people feel the need to judge all the time? I'm honestly wanting to pack up and move away and never look back

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Cha Cha Cha Changes....


yeah I'm still alive... life took a hold of me and I became a bad bad blogger... I NEED to blog I've noticed because without it, I tend to hold things in and become angsty. Yes, I said it. Darn high school emo kid days ;?


I love my blog title, but I feel like it says "This is an adoption blog so you will only read adoption stuff"

But then again I thought about "Secret Life of an American Adoptee" Its about my life, what's going on in MY life, so that's what this blog will now become. Because honestly, if I only had to write about adoption related things, this blog would hang in limbo. So there you have it, if I start posting other stuff and all you want is an adoption blog, I can't help ya, this is my life and I want to share it with you...