Thursday, March 10, 2011


(x-posted from the forums)

i've read articles, I've watched shows about how powerful ones thoughts can be.

and before sending off my paperwork, I was going through the "what if" stage

the past couple of weeks i've been filled with anxiety
then to stress
and today its been a mix of everything
I will suddenly get this overwhelming sense of calm and peace, because other then checking up with the agency and keeping on top of them, there isn't much I can do.

And then the moment I think about that... I realize that this is one situation that I can not control... and i panic. But its that quiet lump in your throat, shifty eyes paranoid keep to yourself panic.

I feel like I'm in a dream, it starts off seemingly normal but then being chased by something you can't see or hear, all you know is that you need to keep going. Because if you don't, something may happen.... the unknown will happen..

... my sleep aids haven't been working, my mood stabilzers, not working and thats mostly my fault because I've been so scatter brained that i forget to take them..
I'm letting this wait destroy me and i've had enough of it.
I just want to get on with my life!
Do i regret sending off my paperwork? Yes and No
No, because I feel like its mine and my childrens right to know where we came from and yes because I feel like I'm letting it control my life...

thanks for dealing with my vent...

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