So I have found the best support, information, opinions, and thoughts from Adoption.com. There is one 1st mom there, RavenSong, that I seemed to have gravitated to.
In her posts she expresses so much love for her son that she placed for adoption, with whom she is in reunion.
She was one of the first people to respond to one of super emotional rants about my ups and downs of searching. And the words that she said to me made me want to read more.
I tend to only really read the "birth parents" forums (like I said I hate adoption terminology) because I want to see what they're going through, I want to get an idea of what what my 1st Mom could be going through. I mean i know different people process things in different ways, but I want to read and gather as much as i can.
If I do find her, I want to be able to prepare myself for everything.
Back to RavenSong; I know it sounds crazy but I feel like i connected to her. I sent her a PM just thanking her for being so kind and loving to someone she doesn't even know. I told her that I hoped if i do find my 1st Mom, that she was as warm and welcoming as her, Ravensong.
Well she responded... she was as kind in her response as she was on the forums. She ended the message with "I hope you reunite soon with your natural mother...and I hope she's as wonderful as you are!"
Every time I read it i cry!!! I don't even know how to respond to that! I've never had anyone even understand a tiny piece of the adoption triad and to have someone say something like that to me... well its just ... AMAZING!!
A letter to RavenSong:
Words can not express how your support has made me feel.
It makes to me to search harder, learn more, and expect the best even if it isn't so.
The short sweet message i received from you gives me hope,
that there will be a reunion in my future
I can not wait for the day that I can share my reunion story with you
I feel like I'm stumbling over my words as if i'm writing my 1st mom a letter.
I want to say the right things and have everything to be perfect
but from seeing just a tiny piece of what a wonderful woman and mother that you are
i hope that you will see that this is a letter coming from love and thanks.
Thank you RavenSong. For everything.