Need to find my Zen... and FAST!

So, I've noticed, I don't handle stress well AT ALL!

I've gone from a pack of cigarettes in 4 days, to a pack every 2 days, and with the Holidays, Its been more like a pack a day.

I haven't been able to get to sleep without laying in bed for a solid hour or longer, my brain turning, thinking about things I haven't finished, and the people who have pushed my buttons, or the bills that are due. So, needless to say I've been going on about 4 hours of sleep every night, which makes so a VERY grumpy person in the morning! Or the alternative, over sleeping which causes TOTAL chaos in the morning, I've done it all least twice a week since December started!

My skin, well my skin is reacting HORRIBLY! Break outs break outs break outs! Well, at least my skin looked great the day of the wedding. and then there is this. This lovely picture just goes to show you that I don't need to pull my hair out! It falls out on its own!



Can't believe I'm showing you this!

The only time I've ever had this happen was after China Doll was born. And trust me it was 100x worse then this, but this is how it started.

Now, if you actually know me, you know December last year was ROUGH! December 11, 2009, I pinched a nerve in my back while working at a restaurant. My General Manager was on vacation, so I was not able to file a claim until she came back.

I remember it VERY clearly. I tried to call out of work that afternoon because I was running a fever of 102.something and well, frankly its gross to be around food when you're that sick. The manager on duty said," take some medicine I'll see you at 4 and we can pretend we never had this conversation." Sadly, I couldn't lose my job and couldn't find anyone to cover my shift because, well, it was a Friday night, if they weren't already working its because they were going out!

So I take some cold medicine ALOT of cold medicine, and off to work I went. I felt terrible and by the time 1 AM rolled around I was ready to go! I had to restock the dishes as my side work, so off I go to grab a stack of plates, a very tall very heavy stack of plates. Get them to the line and my back starts to hurt a bit. I shrug it off and about 10 mins later my feet feel a bit numb. I joke to the kitchen manager that I can't feel my hands or feet, and maybe its because I took too much cold medicine. After I leave I took a friend home and start complaining about my feet again.

Lets just say Saturday and Sunday were spent laying on the couch body aching cold full force, my mom even brought me home made chicken noodle soup. I stayed on the couch because my back hurt otherwise, so Sunday night Fur gets me to bed, Monday morning I get up and fall straight to the floor. My legs weren't just numb anymore, I couldn't even left them.

Chris calls my mom in a panic and she tells him to bring them over. He calls his dad to let him know whats going on and that he won't be at work, we were off to the hospital. He had to get the kids in the car, and then help me down the stairs.

When we got to the ER I had to fill out the paperwork, but couldn't hold the pen, I freaked! I burst into tears, I felt helpless, I've NEVER needed anyone like that in my life!

So I had to wait for my GM to come back from vacation to file the paperwork and then she yelled at me for waiting a week to file the paperwork! WELL I'M SORRY I HAD TO GET HURT WHILE YOU WERE ON VACATION! ugh! She then made sure I would get NO help from the doctors because they reported my hand to be injured not my back and all of the doctors were out of town until after the New Year!

Stress hit me hard then too, the Friday after my 1st hospital visit, so 4 days later, I developed Bells Palsy. So there I was, couldn't walk without falling, could barely hold anything, couldn't hold my baby, and now couldn't move half of my face! Wrose Christmas EVER!

I actually didn't start walking properly again until about March of this year, and everytime I get a pain in my back or my feet start feeling numb I spaz!

I hate this time of the year.....